Normally when a woman finds out she is pregnant a sense of fear, happiness and doubt would rush over her. But this fear and doubt would soon be overcome by excitement with a few exeptions. However not in my case. I am guessing since my parents didnt want me and put me up for adoption that they felt no excitement, no happiness or joy. I dont even know the full story myself, but from what i do know is that, my father was alot older than my mother which is quite sick to think about right now. He had another family, a wife and children living in a village not too far from where i live with my adopted parents. Apparently, his children who would be in their 30's now have been in alot of trouble and have appeared many times in court. I also think that his wife divorced him but im not actually too sure. As for my mother, she is a looney!! She was adopted herself. I have seen her around the city with her hair greasy, dirty clothes on her, carrying a bag around with her. She seems to chat away to herself aswel, definately not the full shilling. My perception on this situation is that my father had an affair with my mother and this lead to his dysfunctional family. Then my mother becamr pregnant and obviously wasn't capable of looking after me.
All these years i was mad at her and cant stand the sight of her, imaginig that i came out of her and was inside her for 9 months. I always thought she was to blame for everything since she has been in the picture since i can remember. My father died when i was nearly 2. I have no idea how and have asked but "no one knows" so im left to guess and wonder when obviously someone out there knows how he died. Up until recently i have always been mad at "her" as i refer to my biological mother as. I would not classify her as my mother, just the woman who had me! As i have been thinking lately, that just because my father died when i was 2 doesnt mean that he was not to blame. Where was he when i was being adopted? He had other children and was clearly able to manage them but why not me?
For 2-3 days i was with "her" and she gave me to her sister who is my godmother, but i am not in contact withher. When i was 6 months old, my parents now took me in. Been with them for 18 1/2 years now, they are my parents.
........... Thats my first 6 months of life.......... More to come!!!
